Smile, mah….
For what lmao
People don’t just smile to be smiling. What is the logic behind this? Have any of you actually thought about that?
Why do you do that?
What are we smiling at or about? What were we going to smile at or about before you said that? If nothing…. then why must we smile now simply because you said so or wanted it so? And why do you want it so?
Would you otherwise walk up to any grown person and give them a directive out of the blue? No. Would you walk up to a guy and say, “pick up that litter right there?” No.
Why folk don’t think about why do they do the habitual things they do just baffles me. You might say you mean well, but do u really?
Like… what do you mean at all? I don’t think you know.
At best it is an unconscious act performed as a means to break the ice between yourself and a woman to whom you feel attraction and are too socially awkward to say something more meaningful or even more simple so you default to this patriarchal mess. At worst, it is a means of patriarchal control, asserting that you, as a man and individual must see pretty things all the time, in the way that you define pretty, and that this type of pretty must be performed on demand for you visibly, or at the very least a possible means of exacting some sort of control and power as you yourself otherwise do not have or see any in your life, so you choose or default to the closest, most common and most vulnerable means to create power for yourself.
You can’t say that you want to see us happy… because that’s just silly. How do you determine that we’re happy simply because YOU physically see a smile. Why does knowing that we are happy depend on you personally seeing it and accepting that as a signifier of our happiness. It’s as if you’re asserting that you’re some personal governor, and a thing is not occurring unless you see and approve of it and once you’ve done so, the rest of the plebs can carry on.
Wanting to see us happy would require much more work than this simple minded, unexamined, meaningless gesture. That smile you’re demanding is really for you. Not me.
And heaven forbid if we dissent or ignore. Then we’re being difficult and you meant well.
I, as a woman, nay, a human being, should not have to perform in any way to suit you simply because I am in your line of sight somehow. I was not created for that purpose. I am not here to be pleasing to you. I should be able to live my life in the way that I am living it. My face muscles should be able to be relaxed as I go about my business.
My simply existing should not be disruptive to your day or your enjoyment thereof. Especially as a Black man, if you are a Black man, you should take even more special care to policing someone else’s ability to be visible in public without being told how they must be visible.
My purpose is not your consumption. I am not a product that requires rating or review.
My person as it is, and my boundaries as I set them, should be okay.
Let’s do away with, “women should be seen and not heard,” finally.
*The featured image comes The Stop Telling Women to Smile campaign, by artist Tatyana Fazlalizadeh, protesting street harassment. Source: http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/